If you have lived any length of time, you know that devastating news is inescapable to some degree. A crisis, tragedy, heartache, bad news, rejection, or, in my case today, loss.
My dear friend Sabrina went to go be with the Lord yesterday. The bubbly worship leader, the healthy enthusiast, the young adult woman who could bring a smile on the cloudiest day. And in a moment’s time, she left this earth.
She rises to a far better place than here, of that I’m certain. No tears, anguish, pain. Well, for her at least. For those who knew her, we still reap the consequences.
It’s hard to express in words the aching that is in my heart, the grief within my soul, and the sadness that pulls the most effort-led smile to a frown. The memories of laughter, hearing her sing for the first time, the sharing of stories, all of it. How much I’ll miss her balanced with how joyful I know she is dancing with our Savior in heaven. All I can seem to do is burst into tears when I think of any of it.
I think that’s why God gave us tears: to be able to express emotions that words just can’t seem to capture. No matter what language we speak, tears represent emotions that supersede any barrier that words create. Tears of joy, sorrow, shock, hope imprinted on the faces of those who feel a certain way. And here I am, sitting, standing, kneeling, and pacing, with tear-soaked cheeks accented with red eyes and nose from the feelings I can only adequately express through tears.
Sitting here deeply broken, I am reminded of God’s promises. She spent her time here on earth praising Jesus through the playing of musical instruments and singing songs with the voice of an angel. It was all she wanted in this life to glorify Him. And now, her heart meets it’s greatest desire face-to-face. What she must be seeing now. I can only imagine.
The memories and her jubilance will live on within me. It will be like living with an unseeable amputation, where a piece of my heart will forever miss her until I see her again. I know she would want me to smile. But right now, it’ll have to be through tears that I express through my heart and love for her.
I really appreciate all of you following her journey and praying for her as I have shared her story here. If I could ask one more question: Would you take some time to pray for Sabrina’s family today? For the love of God to surround them while they grieve her loss. For memories to be recalled to their minds that bring joy, laughter, and hope. For glimpses of her to be seen in the hard times and that God will catch every tear that her family and all of those who love her are shedding today.
I am lifting up in prayer those who have lost loved ones, whether it be to cancer or anything else. I empathize with you as I feel the ache. And I pray for comfort for you in your journey.
God is faithful, she would remind you and me of that if she could right now. He hears our prayers and will guide us and love us until we reach home. Each day I will carry the hope of what we are to celebrate this next weekend for Easter close to me, trusting in the promises of God. We will find light in the darkness as God illuminates His love.
Sabrina Elizabeth Gauer, I am so thankful that God allowed us to know one another. And I look forward to seeing you again in heaven one day.
God bless you!
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one today? Do you need a listening ear, encouragement, or prayer? I would love to have a conversation with you. God is faithful and is with you during the highest mountains and the lowest valleys. You are loved so deeply during your time of grief.